we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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