There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
no you cant smoke seaweed
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think i got beer on your cat.
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