Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
