my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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