Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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