my mouth tastes like poor choices
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
