Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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