So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
