Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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