I just saw a hot homeless man
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
