i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
