Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
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we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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