dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
