try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
