Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
