Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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