I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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