i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Apparently you make a good broom.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
