im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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