I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish my penis had an off switch
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
