Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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