Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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