Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
