i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
