Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
