is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
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Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
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AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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