Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
