omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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