My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
