I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Less talking, more tequila
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
