physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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