Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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