You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
