Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you would pick up someone in the library
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.