we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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