just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.