Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Randomize
