somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
