I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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