I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
