Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
