i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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