What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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