Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
