If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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