Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
