i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
