If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
