Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
