Only a mothe r could love this liver
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
