I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
