dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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