last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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