Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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