oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
where are my eyebrows?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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