i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
accomplished twins. life is a go
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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