She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
