ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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