I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Terrible idea I love it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
