She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
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RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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