i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
