She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
