I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
