I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
