did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
