Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
