im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
