Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
